I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize