I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
