Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
