I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
