I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
