She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I want to be your penis for a week.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Couch. On fire.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
