i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
