I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
