69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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