This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
