Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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