so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
