Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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