I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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