No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
