Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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