Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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