I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
