I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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