Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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