are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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