You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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