I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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