"it" just moved
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
