I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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