What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
