I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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