So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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