I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
