he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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