I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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