She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
