god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
