shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
