So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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