How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
