If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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