drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
