Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
