Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
