I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
