do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
