So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.