OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.