I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
