Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
