how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
