i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.