That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?