You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.