Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax