We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
