If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
