Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
