He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
