you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
