Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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