He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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