why didn't you poke me back
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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