How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
