just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
