Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
