I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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