somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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