My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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