I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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