I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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